I cried today when I saw him. I never expected to. I knew it would hurt. I knew it would be hard. I just never expected to feel so lost and empty thinking of him as no longer mine, I no longer his.
We kissed today. I didn't mean for it to happen, but I wanted it. He asked for one last kiss, and I said yes. Tears streamed down my face; tears of sadness, tears of relief, tears of failure. It wasn't until I thought of not having him that I wanted him back so passionately. But even when I ended it I knew I would be in love with him still.
We talked of getting back together. He told me to think, not to answer right away. I'm still not sure. It's another two months til we could be together with no more secrets. When everyone could know. A thought is to just wait til then, then be together again. Another is, why don't we get back together now? I love him so much. But, when we fight about that one subject, I always end up hurt & wounded. He doesn't mean to. I know he doesn't. It's just something he can't understand. But I am so sick of crying over this again and again.
In the end, it's all my decision.
Will I miss his kiss too much?
Will I miss him being in love with me?
Will I ever really stop being hurt?
Can I truly forget all I feel for him?
Am I right or wrong?
Is there a real answer for that?
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