roller coasters & photo booths

it's a bit unreal in truth. it's up, it's down, and then it's over. but wait, it's not ready to be over. or, more correctly, one half of this "it" isn't ready to be over, whilest the other half is full heartedly signing divorce papers and awaiting the key to the bachelor pad. but that's just the way life works. like roller coasters & photo booths. look at all the pictures you took back then. smile here, tears there, nose picking in that one..more tears...as you look at it, this photo booth holds alot of what got you here. look through them, remember, smile-cry-pick some more. just never regret. laugh at what you could call mistakes and call them pit stops in life. you had to pull over, have someone try and fix you up, and get back on your way. and you know what?? it's all worth it. every single upside down, broken down moment. cause look where you are now. roller coasters & photo booths.

as.i.do

I never thought I'd feel this way for you. It was just meant to happen, as I can't undo everything I've said to you. All the words I used to tell you how far I've fallen. It may kill me, but I love you. I couldn't stop if I tried. Every moment spent in your arms races in my mind, plays with my heart. It's just hoping you will keep it safe. Because it trusts you. It needs you. As I do.

user

To everyone here, I am a user. Not of substance. Of people. They say I drag two boys along and pull at their hearts. Now that I realize that they are right, I feel as disgusted with myself as I ever have. So pull away now, before I use you too. Before I take your rights and your heart, destroy them, and leave you in as much pain as I find myself in now.

Lost Lover

I am so completely lost. My heart feels like it's being torn in two. Part of me loves him incredibly and wants nothing more than to say I'm still his. The other tells me I ended it for all the right reasons, that though we are happy together, we can be happier still apart. I know that I am in love with him. I know that he is in love with me. I know that I will always love him, not as a lover, but as a friend I immensely care for. 

I cried today when I saw him. I never expected to. I knew it would hurt. I knew it would be hard. I just never expected to feel so lost and empty thinking of him as no longer mine, I no longer his.

We kissed today. I didn't mean for it to happen, but I wanted it. He asked for one last kiss, and I said yes. Tears streamed down my face; tears of sadness, tears of relief, tears of failure. It wasn't until I thought of not having him that I wanted him back so passionately. But even when I ended it I knew I would be in love with him still. 

We talked of getting back together. He told me to think, not to answer right away. I'm still not sure. It's another two months til we could be together with no more secrets. When everyone could know. A thought is to just wait til then, then be together again. Another is, why don't we get back together now? I love him so much. But, when we fight about that one subject, I always end up hurt & wounded. He doesn't mean to. I know he doesn't. It's just something he can't understand. But I am so sick of crying over this again and again.

In the end, it's all my decision.

Will I miss his kiss too much?

Will I miss him being in love with me?

Will I ever really stop being hurt?

Can I truly forget all I feel for him?

Am I right or wrong?

Is there a real answer for that? 

fade; the only one remaining

i am not you
i am not you and you are not
me
realize that
i
i am a structure
that will not easily fall & fade
i will stay immense
unmoved
by your accusations and false feelings
my will
my strength
my truth
cannot
will not
be compromised for you

difference

we were one

we were one heartbeat, one voice, one smile, one being

i felt you in every movement

we fell together, rose together, broken and bruised together

we loved together

now it's different

we did not lose each other

i found myself

you do not fall or rise with me

i fall, i climb, i find the top

you do not bruise with me

i bruise, i break, i move beyond

it was not you

you did not pull away, you did not leave and let me drift

i just found the difference

between what was us

and what now is you and me